5 Things To Do Instead of Committing Suicide

This post may contain affiliate links. Please read my disclosure for more info.

I recently shared my full debt story on Chain of Wealth Podcast. This interview inspired me to create this series. Rise From Rock Bottom tells every story from my failure years - and how I overcame it.

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There was a bridge. 

I would pass it every day after leaving my luxury apartment, in my high end car. It overlooked the highway and busy cars filled the streets at all hours of the night.

And every day I would think to myself... "I wish I could just jump off."

My life had become something that only looked beautiful on the outside. I continued the charade with my delightful smile and playful demeanor. (I mean... I couldn't let anyone know how I was really feeling. It was unpleasant.)

Day after day, my daydreams would get more vivid until I could see myself walking around the gate and sitting on the edge of the bridge. My fingers would tremble when I grabbed the rusted iron and pull myself up. I would cry and think about my family while looking down at the busy highway below until I could muster up enough strength to...

jump.

That wan't an easy time for me (and to be honest it's pretty difficult to admit now) but I know it's a reality for many people. 

I didn't understand why I was suffering or what my life had become. I was broke. I couldn't afford to feed myself. I was a slave to my bills.

I believed there was no way out. 

I tried talking to a psychologist because I wanted to talk to someone that wouldn't judge me. On the first visit, I felt like she was judging me. I walked though my painful story (the parts I don't tell my friends about). I fought back tears and choked on my words but I got everything out.

Afterwards, her first question to me was "Do you want to hurt your daughter?"

HOW IN THE WORLD DID YOU GET THAT FROM ANYTHING I SAID. #Facepalm

She continued. I smiled. I nodded.  (Mostly because I was paying for the full hour.) I left her office believing that I must be beyond help. 

This time in my life was difficult, but there were a few things that were actually helpful for me to regain my strength and want to live again.  

Disclaimer: I'm not a licensed therapist (or even close). I'm just someone sharing my story on the internet and hoping I help someone. If you feel you are in crisis, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. It is a free, 24-hour hotline, at 1.800.273.TALK (8255).

Call Your Friends

The only times I would get depressed (or feel like dying) would be when I was stuck in my head. I would spend my time scolding myself. 

"How could you be so stupid!" 

Other times, I was genuinely confused.

"How did you get here?" 

I felt helpless.

"You'll never get out of this."

I felt unworthy.

"You're too stupid. You're useless. You're lazy."

I started to call my friends whenever I got a second alone. Even if I was in tears, it was nice to hear a friendly voice to push out internal one. 

It was a distraction from my own thoughts but I believe it was the right way to go for me. 

Visit Family

Family has a way of making you feel warm inside - even if you don't know what to do with your life.

During that time, I had a standing date with my grandmother. I would go to my moms house every Sunday and my grandmother and I would find something to watch together. She'd make dinner and I'd sit with my her and watch whatever she'd chosen for that week. 

At one point, we found a series to enjoy together that came on Sunday nights so we'd spend time before and after the show speculating about what would happen next. 

In those times, I could only think about how much fun I was having - and how much I appreciated those moments with my grandmother. 

Take melatonin to fall asleep

Melatonin is a hormone that helps your body regulate sleep. (I stole this legit definition from WebMD. I, on the other hand, heard it on a podcast and was willing to try anything.)

Since I was so disappointed with my life, I would spend the entire night awake wondering how I could pull myself out of this rut. I would think about things I could create, jobs I could apply for, different things I could sell. 

Some nights I would get stuck in a negative cycle and spend the entire night crying. 

I would end up with very little sleep, maybe an hour or so, before it was time to start my next day. 

That's when I started to take melatonin. Any night I realized that my mind was racing or thinking negative thoughts, I would take the recommended dosage of melatonin. 

It would help me get to sleep at night so I could finally stop worrying. 

Find A goal to work Towards

At this point, I was used to constantly failing and having doors slammed in my face. I was convinced at that point I as a loser. I didn't have the confidence or intelligence to sustain a long term goal. 

I associated my identity with failure.

Parenting was one thing I hadn't failed at (at least not yet). Plus, I could easily make the decision to be a good parent any time.... and I didn't have to wait to see the results. 

I would cook a new meal.. and see my daughter's face light up. 

We could bake a cake together.. and I could watch her learn something new. 

We would do crafts together.. and I could see the pride in her eyes when she created something beautiful. 

Instead of using my energy to beat myself up, I could give what little energy I had to my daughter. 

Do everything with other people... EVERYTHING

I realized quickly that my trigger for negative thoughts and crying was being alone. For better or for worst, I love to present a positive outlook on life to the outer world and I used that tendency to my advantage. 

I first asked my mom if my little sister move in with me. With someone else in the house that I could talk to at any time, I rarely ever had to worry about my negative thoughts.

On the weekends, I would spend nights at friend's houses. I found a workout buddy to go to the gym with every night. 

When I was with people, I didn't think about my pain or how I let myself fall that low or how I'd always be a failure. I could only think about enjoying this moment with a friend.... and my good fortune to have friends that would be there when I needed them most. 

This is my story. That means these may not work for you. It was perfect for me to get through hell and come out on the other side victorious (and alive) during my lowest point in life. 

Want To Start Planning Your Vision Board Party? 

1. Download the FREE vision board party planning checklist.

2. Craft your inspiring vision board workshop talk with our FREE High Impact Storytelling Journal Prompts. 

3. Plan, promote & host your first (or next) professional & profitable vision board workshop with our signature course, Sold Out Vision Board Parties.

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This post may contain affiliate links. Please read my disclosure for more info.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Cyrene is a fun and accomplished workshop facilitator, learning and development guru and Human Resources professional. Being at the helm of Thrive Lounge has been a long-time dream. Through vision board workshops she plans to accomplish two-way learning. Sharing her vast years of knowledge to motivate and encourage others; while simultaneously getting the reward of great energy, ideas and questions to ponder back from each group. A super win-win. Please join our Thrive Lounge community so you too can benefit!

How Often Should I Update My Vision Board?

This post may contain affiliate links. Please read my disclosure for more info.

The first time I ever created a vision board, I was dating an amazing guy that I hoped one day would become my husband. (That's not saying much for me, I'm actually a huge romantic and hope EVERYONE will be my husband :) 

I created my vision board with all of my goals on it and right in the middle of my vision board, I had pictures of a beautiful wedding dress and sparkling ring. I was sure that after all my years of bad dating, I'd landed a good one and this would be my year. 

So I manifested it on my vision board. 

About half way through the year, I found myself super single and replacing that beautiful dress on my vision board with more "goal-getter" quotes. (Because if I couldn't get my dream man, I was surely going to create my dream life anyway.) 

I knew it was time to update my vision board - my future was different now. There was no man in my life to hope for a future with. 

Sometimes the need to change a vision board is not so simple to identify.

Maybe you put a large goal on your vision board, but you don’t think you’ll really be able to accomplish it so you want to take that goal off your board because of FEAR.

It’s possible that you set a goal that will take several years to achieve so you want to take the goal off your vision board due to UNCERTAINTY.

In these cases, it could be easier to set a smaller, easier to attain goal so your vision board feels do-able. However, removing your goals in these cases will push you from dreaming big and into thinking small.

So when should you think about making a change to your vision board? Here are the three ways that I’ve come up with:  

Your Future is Fundamentally Different

This is when something changes in your life and there is no way that goal you envisioned is going to happen.

In my earlier story, I knew there was no way I was getting engaged that year so it was clearly time to take the wedding dress off my vision board. Maybe you set goals to grow in your community and you end up moving across the country to a new place. Maybe you planned on becoming a sommelier (a wine expert) and then found out that you’re pregnant.

These are just a few examples of life changes that happen that mean it’s really time to alter your vision for your near future.

You gain clarity

During the same year I realized my relationship wasn’t working, I also decided to go back to school.

Pursuing my education was not something I planned on. In fact, I never really knew what to do with my professional life. I was attending a conference and by chance I met the owners of a small data startup that changed my life. They taught me how to take my general marketing knowledge and apply it in different ways that would skyrocket my value in the professional world.

It was like my whole world opened up and I finally could see where I needed to take my career.

When you get a huge sign of clarity on where to take your life, it’s your job to listen to that inner voice. Don’t feel guilty about removing the things that no longer serve you from your vision.

The person you are today doesn’t owe your past an explanation. Clarity is a great reason to change your vision board.

You're Inspired to Pick up a new hobby

There are times in your life where you decide to get off the couch, stop watching Netflix and instead spend that time doing something valuable. This would be something that you didn't see coming. 

Earlier this year, my daughter went to her dad's house and I experienced my first full month without my child. Before she left, I thought I would enjoy that time and be more productive than ever. Instead, I felt very unsure of myself and realized that without my daughter I didn't really know who I was.

I didn't have a value system set up to prioritize things without her. I was lost. 

That summer, I decided to do the things I've always wanted to do and picked up singing as a hobby. I always wanted to sing professionally and I made the decision to start working towards it, even if it’s in small increments.

The decision to do something for you is always a good thing.

Your vision board is meant to manifest the dreams you have for your life. If your life has fundamentally changed in some way, feel confident removing the things that don't work to make space for the things you really want. 

Want To Start Planning Your Vision Board Party? 

1. Download the FREE vision board party planning checklist.

2. Craft your inspiring vision board workshop talk with our FREE High Impact Storytelling Journal Prompts. 

3. Plan, promote & host your first (or next) professional & profitable vision board workshop with our signature course, Sold Out Vision Board Parties.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Cyrene is a fun and accomplished workshop facilitator, learning and development guru and Human Resources professional. Being at the helm of Thrive Lounge has been a long-time dream. Through vision board workshops she plans to accomplish two-way learning. Sharing her vast years of knowledge to motivate and encourage others; while simultaneously getting the reward of great energy, ideas and questions to ponder back from each group. A super win-win. Please join our Thrive Lounge community so you too can benefit!

Why Ruining My Credit Was The Best Decision Of My Life

I recently shared my super painful debt story on Chain of Wealth Podcast. This interview inspired me to create this series. Rise From Rock Bottom tells every story from my failure years - and how I overcame it.

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In 2015, I was under a mountain of debt. I had about $15K in credit card debt and a $25K car loan on a Mercedes Benz. If that wasn't bad enough, I also had a luxury apartment that easily cost $1500/month. 

I was 25 and a single mom. #TheStruggle

Determined to maintain my credit score, I worked 3 jobs to put food on the table, pay my car note, my high-AF rent and continue making the minimum payments on my various credit cards.

I was under water, overworked, exhausted, and out of options.

If I stopped to take a breath at any moment, I would fall behind on paying bills, my rent would not get paid, there would be no food on the table. I was the epitome of paycheck to paycheck. 

Flash forward to today.

By the end of 2016, I landed a job for one of the top Marketing Analytics firms in the world, making triple what I was making with three jobs. My company that lets you work from where ever you want, have unlimited vacation, a robust retirement plan and values me as an individual.

Most importantly, I am happy.

 

How did I make this transition in one year? 

I made the hardest decision of my life: I stopped paying my bills... ALL OF THEM. 

I called all of my credit cards and informed them I would no longer by paying. I turned my phone off (yes, completely off). I did a voluntary repossession on my Mercedes Benz and bought a crappy car in cash. 

Lowering my bills meant I didn't need more money.

With over $2500 in rent, car payments and credit card minimums every month, I was obligated to work enough hours to cover my bills - EVERY SINGLE MONTH. That means before I could put money into my savings account, buy food or invest in my future I had to make $2500 that would immediately go out the door to pay for my earlier mistakes.

I only made $2000-$2200 each month as a receptionist, waitress and low-paid freelancer at the time. That meant that every month I was also spending MORE MONEY ON CREDIT CARDS. 

Deciding to stop paying my bills and move out of my apartment (and into my moms basement) meant that I would no longer need $2500 each month. Without working any harder, I would now have $2200 each month TO INVEST IN MYSELF. 

What did I do instead?

I made the decision to get masters a degree in a high demand, high value and growing field: Data Science.

I woke up every morning at 3am and rolled out of bed so I could wake up by the shock (and slight pain) of hitting the floor. (I was training myself for a war I intended to win.) I started studying for the GRE. 

Within a few months, I had scored well, applied to school and got into the state school near my parent's house.

Remember the crappy car I bought with I did a voluntary repossession on my fancy benz?  I sold it to pay for as much of my school fees as possible and minimize the amount of loans I had to take out.

Because I no longer needed the money, I was able to quit my receptionist and waitress jobs to go to school full time. I even fired all of my freelance clients and only kept the highest paying client.

After my nine month master's program, I walked across the stage just one year after starting this journey with an offer in hand - for triple what I was being paid before.

My life changed completely.

At this new job, I made $65K per year. That meant I finally would be able to pay off my debts and also have time for myself, my family and there would be money left over to save and invest in myself. 

I also learned the most important lesson of my life: Spend less than you make. (Crazy how long it took to learn that lesson, right?)

I sacrificed my credit score to improve my life.

I am not advocating for scamming your way out of paying for your financial obligations. I am a firm believer that you SHOULD pay your debts. However, that is a choice you CAN make. 

Without the bills, I didn't need three jobs.

Without the jobs, I didn't have to feel stressed every month about creating more income, working harder. I didn't have to burn myself out.

I could think clearly about who I was and what I really wanted out of life. With a clear mind, I put myself in a position to change my life permanently.

I made the conscious decision to take 10 steps back to (finally) propel myself forward. From where I'm standing, I made the right choice.

Want To Start Planning Your Vision Board Party? 

1. Download the FREE vision board party planning checklist.

2. Craft your inspiring vision board workshop talk with our FREE High Impact Storytelling Journal Prompts. 

3. Plan, promote & host your first (or next) professional & profitable vision board workshop with our signature course, Sold Out Vision Board Parties.

---

This post may contain affiliate links. Please read my disclosure for more info.

---

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Cyrene is a fun and accomplished workshop facilitator, learning and development guru and Human Resources professional. Being at the helm of Thrive Lounge has been a long-time dream. Through vision board workshops she plans to accomplish two-way learning. Sharing her vast years of knowledge to motivate and encourage others; while simultaneously getting the reward of great energy, ideas and questions to ponder back from each group. A super win-win. Please join our Thrive Lounge community so you too can benefit!