Eight Powerful Lessons You Gain When You Lose Everything

This post was originally published Mar 16, 2019.  Updated:  December 4, 2023

Hello Thrive Lounge Worldwide Community!

Below is an original essay written and shared by one of the best in the business world and the vision board community - Chantl M. It is being re-posted because so many of us are trying to build or rebuild a great life that we deserve. But sometimes hit some bumps.

Why do we deserve a great life? Because we are each amazing human beings with precious hearts and souls. We have a purpose in life and we need to find a way to share our precious gifts with the world; while simultaneously achieving our best lives.

For those of you looking for LESSONS LEARNED, INSPIRATION, HOPE AND MOTIVATION TO MOVE FORWARD, please read on.

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Eight Powerful Lessons You Gain When You Lose Everything

At the age of 25, I moved back home… into my mother's basement. I couldn't afford a bed so I bought a large blow-up mattress for $40.

Imagine a near-empty room, in a basement, no carpet, a blow up mattress and a computer desk. (Sounds, kinda jail-ish, doesn’t it?)  

I'm also a single mom so I shared that room with my daughter.

Just one year prior, I lived in a luxury (read: expensive) apartment in a great school district, riding around in my Mercedes Benz truck.

Talk about humbling...

I remember the first time I mustered up the courage to tell my friends that I would be getting rid of my fancy car. 

"But why!?" They asked.

"Are you sure?" They persisted.

I didn't have a choice. I could no longer afford my lifestyle.

First, I replaced the fancy car with a car that aligned with my income.

It was a ragged car and the trunk didn't close. A tiny string held the lid down just enough so that the truck appeared closed sometimes.

As I drove, the trunk would wobble up and down and other drivers would stop me to tell me that my trunk was open. Occasionally, the string would break in the middle of the street and I'd have to pull over to re-tie it.

Talk about humbling...

I eventually sold that car to help pay for school and began taking the bus everywhere. (Also humbling.) 

I lived this lifestyle - in my mother's basement with my daughter - for nearly a year while I went to grad school.

That was the most transformative time in my life that gave me the skills, strength and flexibility to grow into the person I am today

These are the lessons I learned on that journey:

You can deflate your lifestyle and the world won’t fall apart

Lifestyle inflation hit me like a ton of bricks.

I didn't even realize that I was trying to keep up with social norms and expectations by moving to an expensive location (that I really couldn’t afford) so my daughter could attend "the good school."

I always thought that I was doing "the right thing" for my child, even if I was extending my finances too far.

When we did move out and she went to a school that didn't have a 9/10 rating on GreatSchools.org (that really means something to parents) SHE WAS FINE.

I realized that while looking for the “great school” I completely discounted the work that I do at home as her parent. She still learns. She still gets a well-rounded education. She’s still my brilliant little girl. She’s not defined by “the good school.”

Your Priorities

The quest to live on less to be able to discover my path meant that I would have to give up some things.

First, I gave up my car, then my apartment, then I gave up my outward appearance, then I gave up the obligations to others. Slowly, but surely, I realized that I had to de-prioritize things that didn’t matter to make myself a priority.

I felt more free every time I made the decision that something didn’t matter. For the first time in my life, my actions were matching up to my core values.

What you really need to be happy

You know, I really thought I needed that Benz to be happy.

I thought that having a luxury car (even though I had zero dollars in my bank account) meant that I was one of the elite. People looked at me differently when I pulled up in a Benz.

I was fancy. And I liked that feeling.

When I got rid of my car, I realized I love the feeling of not having a car. I love walking around in the summer and the cold breeze on my face in the winter. I feel refreshed and free.

You haven't lost anything

The second you start to give up on the "nice-to-haves" you start to realize that you can really live without them. 

The only things I gave up by not having a car were my car note, car insurance, regular maintenance and the occasional speeding ticket. To be honest, losing those things contributed more to my life because I was more carefree than ever before!

Your "real" friends

Some of your friends will start to remove themselves from your life (you know, the ones that only show up when it’s time to party). Once you stop spending money on things that aren't necessities, you may realize that you don't have as much in common with some folks. 

And that's OK.

You’ll also notice that there are your other friends. The ones that cheer you on as you start to pay off your debt. The ones that sit alongside you and study with you for the GRE. The ones that support you by showing up and being present in your darkest hour.

Your rock bottom is only the beginning for your strongest friendships.

You can rebuild your life the way you want

The most beautiful things about rock bottom is that you have nothing to lose.

You've likely suffered a fair amount of embarrassment. You've probably done all of the things you said you'd never do (like move back in with your parents). You may even have given up more times than you’d like to admit.

With nothing left anchoring you to who you were, you have the flexibility and opportunity to build the person you want to be. 

You won't do it alone

Poverty has a way of making you feel like you're the only one suffering. However, everyone's been through some sort of pain and suffering at some point. In fact, no matter how bad you feel there's always someone out there who has it ten times worse. 

Here's what will surprise you: Your friends and family will rally around you to lift you higher. (That's assuming you're a halfway decent person and, therefore, have at least 1 friend.) 

You'll Learn To Love It

It can be difficult to make the transition from having a lot to having nothing. Change is hard.  

Maybe you feel bad for your predicament in the first week. But after a while, you'll start to notice a shift. You'll start to feel like yourself again. You'll realize that you can now move forward as who you want to be. 

You'll see that you're free to become you.

 xoxo

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How One Decision Can Get You the Life You Want

My goal was to go to Med School, become ‘Doctor Martin’. 

Oh, I dreamed BIG, picturing how proud my family would be when I achieved what was expected.

I made checklists and followed them to the letter. Because that’s what you do, right? 

Yet something didn’t fit. Part of me knew I wasn't moving towards my values and desires. But I ignored that inner voice that insisted: 

“Chantl, you’re going the wrong way!” 

I was my family’s ‘future doctor’. My mindset kicked into action. “I can’t quit, I’m not a quitter!”

THIS mindset is what’s stopping us from achieving our true purpose.
Quitting can be the best decision you ever make. 

Because it’s a CHOICE to stop doing something you don’t love, you’re not good at, and doesn’t make you happy.  You can choose to put yourself first and make space for things that light you up and make your soul sing with joy!

If you find yourself setting goals and still not being satisfied with the outcome. Not getting anywhere, making checklists, but not ticking any ‘dream’ boxes...

… then I want to let you in on a little secret. 

It’s not about the goals game, it’s about the ‘decision-making’ pre-game! 

You can set and hit ALL the goals, but it’s all for nothing unless goals come from conscious decisions aligning strengths, values, and life desires.

I've worked towards goals that didn’t align with my purpose. Climbed a ladder in a direction I felt I ‘should’ go, following well-meaning mentors, teachers, and family. And ended up somewhere I had no business being! 

The biggest problem that comes up in conversation? The struggle to make the smart and sometimes tough decisions to get that dream life.

So, 2022, I’m officially canceling goal setting!

Instead, I’m going to teach you why decisions are so much better than goals and how to make the decisions to get on the right path to that dream life.

Not the life your parents want for you.

Not the path society tells you to take or those around you are on.

The path YOU want. Let that tiny inner voice scream it out loud!

THIS GOAL-SETTING GURU IS CANCELING GOAL SETTING

Goal setting has been the foundation of everything I teach. I’ve helped countless people create vision boards to get the life they want, and through uncertainty achieving more than they thought possible.

But this life-changing work has made me realize something I’ve always known but is now impossible to ignore. 

People don’t need help with goals! You know how to set them, write to-do lists, break things down into small steps, set a timeline, and so on. 

The problem I get the most emails about, the BIG thing people struggle with, and what stops most achieving women from moving forward toward their dream is ‘deciding’. 

WHAT THE ACHIEVING WOMAN NEEDS HELP WITH

So many women come to me saying:

“Listen Chantl. I’m a Mom, a homeowner, a wife. Trying to go back to school, get that promotion, do all the things.

I’m overwhelmed, drained, and don’t know what to do!”

If this is you, all the goal-setting in the world won’t help. It won’t balance all the things you’ve got going on, and won’t help in figuring out the way forward.

Instead, it’s time to make some hard choices and decide what you really want to do–and let go of the rest.

WHY DECISION-MAKING IS SO DARN HARD

Let’s be honest, the achieving woman wants to do a bit of everything.

Do our jobs, take care of homes, aging parents, and children. Help glow up the next generation to do better, be wiser. Help family, friends, even strangers!

We give to everybody else and there’s nothing left for ourselves. Then we try to do 10 different things at once and end up achieving nothing.

This is the blueprint of how NOT to get what you want out of life.

WHY MAKING DECISIONS WILL GET YOU WHAT YOU WANT

Without decisions, you can end up on the wrong path. Arrive at success, turn around and think: “Wait, what in the world happened, I don’t want to be here!”

Or create something that doesn’t fulfill you and end up with yet another thing that drains.

Or give time and energy to a space you don’t love.

I don’t want this for you. I want to help you decide what you want to achieve and what’s best for you. To make that choice with confidence because it aligns with your values and what you want out of life. 

YOU drive your desires. Not family expectations, influencers, or what some guru on the internet says. And definitely not because you’re told it’s the right time.

You know what I mean...

25? It’s time to get your life together!

30? It’s time to buy a house, get married, have kids!

Who said it’s time? It’s not time until YOU say it’s time! (Can I get an AMEN!)

Imagine how much you could achieve by trusting your gut, inner voice, and timing, and choosing what's right for you?

That’s why decision making is so much better than goal setting. It’s time to make a choice, my friend, a move forward with confidence.

Drop a comment below: What decisions have you been putting off?

Want To Start Planning Your Vision Board Party? 

1. Download the FREE vision board party planning checklist.

2. Craft your inspiring vision board workshop talk with our FREE High Impact Storytelling Journal Prompts. 

3. Plan, promote & host your first (or next) professional & profitable vision board workshop with our signature course, Sold Out Vision Board Parties.

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About the author

Cyrene is a fun and accomplished workshop facilitator, learning and development guru and Human Resources professional. Being at the helm of Thrive Lounge has been a long-time dream. Through vision board workshops she plans to accomplish two-way learning. Sharing her vast years of knowledge to motivate and encourage others; while simultaneously getting the reward of great energy, ideas and questions to ponder back from each group. A super win-win. Please join our Thrive Lounge community so you too can benefit!

How To Start Over At Any Age (And Enjoy It)

Do you know what it feels like to start your life over…..completely?

I do. 

I used to spend my days working as a receptionist. My nights and weekends were spent as a babysitter and waitress.

I knew that I wanted to take my life in a different direction. 

This new direction would earn enough money so that I wouldn’t have to work three jobs. I would be paid enough that I could enjoy my weekends, spend some time with my family, and have some time to myself. 

I would have time for hobbies. I could sing to my heart’s content. 

That sounds great, right? 

My life wasn’t that great. So why was it such a struggle to change? 

Well, I couldn’t stop making money because I had a daughter to feed, bills to pay, and an apartment to pay for every single month. 

But I knew that if I didn’t make a change, I’d be on that hamster wheel forever. 

I was tired of that damn hamster wheel. 

That’s why I decided that I’d do whatever it took to make the change. (Here’s where the story gets interesting.)

I got rid of everything I owned.

I moved out of my apartment, and in with my parents. 

I did a voluntary repossession on my car. 😲

I sold everything I owned. Anything that people were willing to buy.

I had my cell phone shut off. 

I reduced my bills to as close to zero as possible so I could focus on building my dreams for one year. 

By the end of that year, I had brought that vision to life. I had one job that earned $65K/year. I had weekends off, an amazing boss, and unlimited vacation. #goalcrushing

This week, I’m sharing the reality of starting over, and why it’s not as scary as you think.

A few things to know about starting over 

There’s no shame in starting over. In fact, it can be fun and enlightening. It may feel scary at first, or it may feel refreshing.

It may seem overwhelming or it may bring you a sense of clarity.

You’ll never know how great it can be until you…. do it.

Related Content: Why You Must Start Living Your Dream

Understand that you’re exactly where you should be right now in your journey

It’s natural to feel regret and anxiety, but they serve NO purpose.

Regret doesn’t put energy toward your goals. It keeps you dwelling on the past.

Anxiety just makes your journey harder and full of fear. It robs you of moving forward.

Instead of staying in that mindset, it’s much more productive to give yourself #GRACE. 

It’s important to understand that where you are on this journey, is happening for a reason; to provide you with new opportunities for growth - not make your life miserable. 

You should start over - and then start over again

Are you the same person at 40 as you were at 20?

I hope not!

When your desires and dreams change, it shows that you’re growing as a person, and THAT is a good thing.

Even if that growth leads you out of your comfort zone. That discomfort is a huge part of growth and success - and part of starting over. 

It’s also normal (and good) to start over multiple times throughout your life.

When you grow, you learn. You get better. You become a better version of yourself.

Every time you start over, you get to the next level of YOU.

You’re not really starting over

Even if life puts you in a situation that’s less than desirable and you dread starting over, it’s important to realize that you’re really not starting from ground zero.

As you move into a new phase of your life, you’re building on lessons you’ve learned, equipped with the skills you’ve acquired over time and the support of relationships you’ve already built.

The wisdom you’ve gained will serve you well.

This kind of change requires a mindset shift: you’re not starting over. You’re repurposing your skills and knowledge to use it in a way that fits who you are today.

You’re getting ready for new skills, new knowledge, new relationships, new capabilities, and new sources of joy.

All of these new life experiences are perfect for your situation.

How to Prepare to Start Over

Making the decision to start over is a great first step.

Next up is making a plan that gives you concrete steps to follow.

Make time to work on your goals

When you focus on your goals and start making new choices every day, you’ll see progress.

Plan to block out some time on your calendar each week to put energy and focus on your goals.

It may seem slow and hard to see at times, but you’ll see progress over the long term. 

Start small with simple steps

You won’t make massive changes overnight.

Choose the direction you think that you want and start walking on that path - one step at a time.

You will learn more about your goal as you go. You’ll discover different ways to get there and you’ll gain clarity on what you really enjoy as you begin to actively pursue your new dreams.

Decide right from the beginning to be flexible with your strategy, but NOT your end goal.

Set some non-negotiables

Decide that you’re committed to each step of the journey, no matter what it looks like.

Set rules and boundaries that will lead you to the life you’re determined to create. Whether it’s time commitment or saying no to certain activities or trying new things - decide what the ground rules are.

Each step will teach you something.

You’ll encounter difficulties and you’ll have setbacks. But, you shouldn’t throw in the towel. 

You’re a strong woman!

Setbacks and difficulties don’t have to stop you.

Create a support system and start your journey today!

1. Share your goal with a friend or family member. When you say your goal out loud, it becomes real.

2. Create a vision board to visualize your goals. 

3. Make a commitment to work on your goals. Put it on your calendar and do the work.

Know that you’re exactly where you are meant to be. We are here to learn from our experiences and then use it for a greater purpose and calling. Embrace the journey and enjoy it! 

We’d love to know what goal you’d pursue as part of starting over. Drop it in the comments below! 

Want To Start Planning Your Vision Board Party? 

1. Download the FREE vision board party planning checklist.

2. Craft your inspiring vision board workshop talk with our FREE High Impact Storytelling Journal Prompts. 

3. Plan, promote & host your first (or next) professional & profitable vision board workshop with our signature course, Sold Out Vision Board Parties.

---

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Cyrene is a fun and accomplished workshop facilitator, learning and development guru and Human Resources professional. Being at the helm of Thrive Lounge has been a long-time dream. Through vision board workshops she plans to accomplish two-way learning. Sharing her vast years of knowledge to motivate and encourage others; while simultaneously getting the reward of great energy, ideas and questions to ponder back from each group. A super win-win. Please join our Thrive Lounge community so you too can benefit!