So… How did that date go?
It seems like such an easy (and potentially fun) question to ask your girlfriend, but in reality, it could bring up a lot of pain and uncertainty.
For a very long time, I felt like a failed date was because I wasn’t good enough. I was being rejected. I was a person that no one wanted.
When someone told me on our first date that they couldn’t do a second date with me because I didn’t want kids, I thought no one wants to date a single mom - I’ll never find anyone.
When someone told me they were focused on their budding business to date. I thought maybe I’m not interesting, funny, or smart enough.
I smiled on the surface, but deep down truly came to the realization that “there’s obviously something wrong and undateable about me.
So, I decided to stop caring.
If I’m undateable then… so be it.
I’d stop going on dates hoping for it to lead anywhere (because I was very sure it wouldn’t).
I stopped being “the nice girl” and I started making demands… because if you’re not going to ask me out again anyway, I might as well get what I want out of these first two dates.
Sounds crazy, maybe even a bit mean, right?
But the reality is, I started showing up to dates as myself.
And here is where we’ll begin the journey of creating your best single life.
Related Content: 7 Guilt-Free Ways To Stand Up For Yourself With Confidence
Why focus on enjoying single life?
I know… you could be spending your time dating instead, right?
Here’s the deal, you cannot rush the timing for when you’ll meet someone that you want to spend your time with. Also, you can’t control the feelings of the people that you spend time with during that time.
Is it really time to accept single life?
No… but it is time to embrace it!
You don’t have to accept anything you don’t want to. But if you continue to look at being single as a negative then you’ll never get to the part where you enjoy every minute of it.
When you’re single, you can date and enjoy time with several people. Each brings to the table their unique personalities, conversations, and experiences. You have the chance to discover what you truly love (and don’t love) about the people you date.
You don’t have any obligations to anyone and can choose what you do with your time.
You get more alone time to think, process your feelings, read and enjoy the activities you love. There’s a lot less compromising when you’re single :)
How To Manifest Your Best Single Life
Like many other things, enjoying your single life always starts with your mindset.
Practice Self Care
Taking care of yourself is the first step in loving yourself more than anyone else in this world.
It shows that you prioritize yourself enough to make time for you and focus on you. Every time you do that, you build trust with your heart and mind that you’re capable of taking care of your needs.
There are so many options when it comes to self-care, make sure you choose the ones that you truly enjoy.
It doesn’t have to be expensive either. It could be as simple as going for a walk, taking a bubble bath or dusting off your journal.
Or it could mean going all out for a spa day, massage, and a new outfit.
Do what fits your budget and your personality.
Make Your Space Your Own
Sometimes, you can enjoy your life more by making some simple changes to your living space. Design your home in a way that inspires you and gives you energy.
I place my vision board in my office on the wall so I’ll see it out in front of me every single day.
Maybe it’s a fresh coat of paint in a couple of rooms or carving out a little meditation corner for yourself.
Whatever you choose, make sure it’s something that is YOU. And something that you’ll look forward to coming home to.
Revive Your Personal Passions
In a seemingly never-ending journey of finding “the one,” you may have de-prioritized what matters to you.
Here’s what that looks like:
I love singing (cooking, exercising, yoga, reading, etc.), but I don’t have time to.
Instead, you spend your time in ways that you don’t enjoy like watching too much TV, scrolling social media, or trying out dating apps.
To enjoy your life (even while single) you have to do the things you enjoy. Prioritize them.
Be Open To Love (when it comes along)
Love can come in many shapes and sizes and sometimes our expectations about the future keep us from seeing it.
Maybe your love doesn’t come with the right look, size, social status or wealth. Open yourself to the opportunity of loving the right person at the right time.
Let Go of the outcome in dating
One of the primary ways I began enjoying any type of dating was realizing that I’m here, at this moment, and I cannot spend it all worrying about tomorrow. If I’m worrying about whether you call me tomorrow, then I temper my sassy personality.
Say sure to the restaurants and food you love. (I ended up at Italian restaurants even though I dislike most of them.)
I’d cringe through the awkward kiss because you leaned in and I wanted to appease. I’d nod when I didn’t agree because I want an outcome - I’m not thinking about this present moment.
I’m worried about being alone tomorrow… again.
When you go out on dates, let go of the expectation that it should go well. Let go of the expectation of a call tomorrow. Understand that you also have needs and desires. You’re worthy of an amazing person that lights you up.
And you won’t be able to notice that you’ve found them if you keep your head down.
How To Start Enjoying Your Single Life Today:
Journal all the activities that bring you joy and fill your soul.
Set a date on the calendar to pursue one of those activities
Before your next date, say this out loud “no matter what happens tomorrow, I’m going to enjoy this present moment.”
The single life can be a fun and life-altering journey of self-discovery… if you let it be. Choose to appreciate this as a time of freedom, mental space, and lower complexity. Pursue your passions and allow love in when the time is right.
xoxo
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Cyrene is a fun and accomplished workshop facilitator, learning and development guru and Human Resources professional. Being at the helm of Thrive Lounge has been a long-time dream. Through vision board workshops she plans to accomplish two-way learning. Sharing her vast years of knowledge to motivate and encourage others; while simultaneously getting the reward of great energy, ideas and questions to ponder back from each group. A super win-win. Please join our Thrive Lounge community so you too can benefit!
