Relationship Goals

How To Create A Vision Board To Love Your Damn Self

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After several years of terrible dates and a few kinda-dating-but-not-really situationships, I completely gave up on any hope of finding love.

I was 98% sure that the problem was me…

  • I was too sweet and nice girls aren’t taken seriously in relationships.

  • I was too driven and guys were obviously intimidated by me.

  • Guys just want to talk to me because I’m fun and positive, but they never really see a future with me. (Sad, right?)

I couldn’t help but to give up.

I truly believed that I’d just end up alone. I envisioned myself sitting on my couch with a glass of wine, watching Netflix, always longing for the next Girls Night Out where my married friends would swear my guy was out there and it was only a matter of time. (Yes, this is actually what I was thinking!)

I felt defeated by love… unworthy of love… unwanted.

Giving up was my way of convincing myself that being alone was my choice. In reality, I would’ve settled for anything at that point (and sometimes I did).

I needed to pull myself out of that slump and re-learn that I am a valuable human. I have a lot to contribute to anyone in my presence, whether it’s friends, family, acquaintances or love interests. I am enough.

Somewhere along the long, winding road of rejection I’d forgotten that.

That’s when I decided I’d create my vision board in a way that reflects self love.

What is A Self-Love Vision Board?

A vision board is a tool that helps people envision what they want out of their life. The goal is to manifest (or command that the universe deliver) the future that you want to achieve. You can create a vision board for love, money, relationships, career, education and any other area of your life that’s important to you.

Related Content: How to Create a Couples Vision Board

Related Content: How to Manifest Real Love with a Boyfriend Vision Board

A self love vision board specifically focuses on your ability to love yourself. This will include:

  • Tools you use for self care

  • Activities and people that bring you joy

  • Steps you take to release self-doubt, self-sabotage and limiting beliefs

  • Affirming quotes and images that represent your definition of loving yourself

Why Does A Self-Love Vision Board Work?

Your self love vision board is your tool to remind yourself that you’re worthy of love from yourself and that self-love is available to you 24/7, 365 days a year.

When I gave up on finding someone to love, I wasn’t giving up on love all together. Instead, I wanted to feel love; I didn’t want the feeling of anxiety around love.

I didn’t want to wonder if someone out there would discover me, be enamored by me and deem me worthy of love. I found myself lingering in limbo waiting for love to come to me.

The self love vision board gave me all the tools I needed to re-discover all of the things that make me happy as an individual. Through happiness, I re-discovered my ability to love myself.

How To Create Your Self-Love Vision Board

Creating your self love vision board requires you to ask yourself the tough questions and be honest with yourself about what you need to be happy with yourself.

What things make me happy that don’t cost any money?

What is that thing you can do without spending a dime and it immediately lifts your spirits and energizes you?

For example, I enjoy bubble baths by candle light and listening to jazz music, reading with tea in the mornings or spending time with my daughter playing video games.

In the last 7 days, what activities brought me joy?

When most people think about joy, their mind jumps to some extravagant moment: family trips, extended vacations, world travel. But the reality of your life is made up of the every day moments: going to the grocery store and heading to work.

Self love is about finding joy and love in your life in the every day. This question allows you to pinpoint the moments of your every day life where you find happiness and joy.

When can I schedule in more of these activities?

Happiness increases when the things that bring you joy and the way you spend your time are aligned. Can you schedule in more time for the things that make you happy on a daily, weekly or monthly basis?

What do I love about myself?

Self love can also come in the form of appreciation for your individual qualities. What makes you special or different? What is that thing only you do that makes you smile?

What are my 5 biggest accomplishments in the last year?

When you’re feeling insecure or that pain of not-enough-ness, it helps to remind yourself of the things that prove you’re an amazing human on this earth.

For example, when I fail at my day job, I feel insecure about my skills. However, I have a list of amazing things that I’ve done that reminds me that I’m not a terrible person who sucks at her job (I really do think that sometimes). I’m simply a human who made a mistake.

What is an affirmation I can use to strengthen my mindset when I feel fear?

Think about the reason you need self love in this moment of your life. Is there something you fear that’s giving you anxiety? If so, take account of all the negative feelings you have around love.

In my example, I was afraid that I wasn’t worthy of love and I’d end up alone.

To counteract that, I asked myself: “What would my life look like if I did end up alone?”

I would still kick ass at work. I would still build a supportive and powerful community around me. I would still enjoy my time with family and friends. 95% of my life would be exactly the same with or without a partner.

I started to use the affirmation “My life is meaningful with or without a partner. My happiness is not contingent upon finding love.”

This one affirmation helped me to release those fears and allowed me to fall in love with myself again.

Once you have the answers to these questions, it’s time to create your vision board.

  1. Gather all the materials you need to create a vision board: poster board, magazines, scissors, glue

  2. Page through the magazines to find the images and quotes that match your self-love goals

  3. Glue your selections onto your poster board

  4. When you finish you vision board, place it in a common area you’ll see it every day.

It’s time to take action. Make sure that you’re not just dreaming about caring for and loving yourself - you have to make the space to do it!

xoxo

Ready to Start Living Your Dream Life Now?

  1. Get clarity on your next big goal with the FREE Big Vision Reflection Checklist

  2. Design your dream life with the Vision Board Planner, our step by step guide to creating vision boards that work.

Create A Vision Board That Works

Download the FREE Big Vision Reflection checklist to build a vision board that will help you create MIRACULOUS change in your life. Enter your email to subscribe to the newsletter and grab the freebie:

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About Chantl

Chantl founded Thrive Lounge to give women the kick in the pants they need (lovingly, of course) to uncomplicate their goals, stop making excuses, get productive and start living the life they always wanted. Her workbook, The Vision Board Planner, gives women a step-by-step guide to create a super effective and life-changing vision board. 

How To Manifest Real Love with A Boyfriend Vision Board

This post may contain affiliate links. Please read my disclosure for more info.

 
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I'll be honest with you - I struggled terribly to adjust to being single and pushing 30. (You know, that magical age when you parents act as if your ovaries are about to explode?)

It hit me hard. As a child, I always thought I'd be whisked away by some prince right after college and before med school. (Yes, in that exact order.)

After years bouncing nearly helplessly from one failed relationship to the next. I started to get super discouraged.

I wondered what was wrong with me.

I thought that maybe I wasn't meant to find anyone - and I'd be alone forever (with my 17 cats, obviously).

Luckily, the go-getter nature in me wouldn't allow myself to get discouraged by my super single (and super lonely) situation.

To retain my hope in love (and in my ability to attain it) I created a boyfriend vision board. (Yes, you read that right.)

What’s a Boyfriend Vision Board?

Generally, a vision board is a visual representation of the things you want to happen in your life. Many people use vision boards annually to set their focus and intentions for all areas of their life including career, education, family, finances, spirituality and (of course) relationships.

Your boyfriend vision board visually displays all of the qualities that you are looking for in a person that you want to spend your life with.

Why Create A Boyfriend Vision Board?

Your boyfriend vision board helps you nail down exactly what you’re looking for. It helps you set your intention for your life when looking for a partner.

A few years ago, I realized I was one of those women. I kept letting an obvious loser back into my life - after several lies, women face-timing him and calling him at all hours of the night. Why did I keep letting him in? Well, that shows you just how bored, lonely and discouraged I was.

I knew I was in a situation solely due to simplicity. (He kept coming back.)

I knew it was time for a change.

I knew I wanted something better.

I wanted real joy.

That’s when I created my boyfriend vision board.

How Does A Boyfriend Vision Board Work?

This works because you have to ask yourself the million dollar question "What am I actually looking for in a life partner?"

When you ask that question, you are forced to think through the qualities in a human that really matter to you. After you do that exercise, you’re able to be intentional about the people you spend time with and the people you date.

You’re also able to better spot when a person’s values and behaviors do not align with the things you want in your life partner. This allows you to be more discerning with your time, energy and (most important) your heart.

How To Create Your Boyfriend Vision Board

I’ve written several times about vision boards and how to create one, and the strategy to build a vision board is similar when creating one for your new, amazing beau. The real difference is in the work you do before you create your vision board.

Before you grab the magazines and poster board, you must start with a clear idea of what you want out of your future mate.

  1. Write down the qualities you would want in a person.

  2. What personal values should they have?

  3. Where do you see you and this person going in 5, 10 and 20 years.

There were three key things on my vision board:

A man smiling and playing with a child: I have a tween daughter so it’s important to me that the person who comes into my life will have a great relationship with her.

The word “Honesty”: After spending entirely too much time with someone who constantly lied to me, I knew that feeling of wondering whether my partner was telling the truth. I knew that feeling of being lied to. I knew that feeling of mistrust. I needed an honest person in my life because I never wanted to feel those feelings again.

Two old people lying in the bed and smiling: The people on my board were easily in their 70’s. This image signified to me what I wanted for my future. Someone that would be around for the long haul and smile at me in the morning - even after 40 years.

Now that I had that image of what I wanted, I knew it when I saw it.

 
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About Chantl

Chantl founded Thrive Lounge to give women the kick in the pants they need (lovingly, of course) to uncomplicate their goals, stop making excuses, get productive and start living the life they always wanted. Her workbook, The Vision Board Planner, gives women a step-by-step guide to create a super effective and life-changing vision board. 

Seven Solid Relationship Goals For Single Ladies Looking For Love

This post may contain affiliate links. Please read my disclosure for more info.

 
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Whenever I'm hanging with my favorite goal-gettin' ladies, the conversation always ends up shifting towards one thing: men.

Why we can't find them.

Where all the good ones are hiding.

And why they're not totally in love with us. (obviously)

As a self-proclaimed helpless romantic, I've definitely been one to put a ring or wedding dress on my vision board in hopes that my beau of the moment would propose in some grand gesture and I'd be in tears because I never saw it coming. #classic

This year was the first year that I did not set some form of relationship goal.

For the first time in my adult life, I am at peace with my love life and whatever future that comes in my relationship.

With parents and grandparents asking where your husband is, married friends flaunting their amazing husband at the holiday party and people showing off beautiful engagements and magical weddings on Instagram...

How does a single lady stop thinking about finding (and keeping) love?

Here's exactly what I did that lead to finding peace with my current and future love life:

 

Get out and start dating... again.

Being single for a while makes it super easy to get comfortable with the idea of being alone.

You enjoy doing your own thing and hanging with your friends. You're a sucker for a great Netflix binge session or a great book. It's easy to enjoy the quiet but if you're ready to take a chance and meet some people you'll have to (dare I say it?) talk to people.

 You can start small (really small) by downloading a dating app and simply swiping right on a few people you think are attractive.

 

Meet people in person.

Swiping left or right is a great first step, but to seal the deal, you'll have to take one giant step of meeting them in person. Yup, that's right. You gotta get dressed and leave your home and meet them face to face.

 

Actually give people a chance.

Have you ever been on a date and looked at the person wondering why they weren't as cute as your ex or didn't hold the door open the way he did or didn't (insert other wonderful thing your ex did here).

Try going into the date without any hopes of who the person might be and instead seek to enjoy the person they are. Ask them questions about themselves and make a solid effort in getting to know them. Ask about their family and goals. That will help you really get to know the individual sitting across from you.

 

Envision your life without a partner.

One of the most powerful things I ever did for myself was asking the question "what would my life look like if I never found someone." That's something I never asked myself before. As a child, it was ingrained in me that my life was not complete until I met someone. In my life's narrative, I always imagined a man being apart of that story.

As I got older and realized that it's was totally possible that no knight in shining armor was coming at all. What would happen then?

What followed was a clear understanding that I would be 100% happy with what my life would become. I would still be fulfilled in my life's journey. This gave me the comfort to be happy with where my life was (and more importantly - where my relationship status was).

If you're struggling with your worth (because I sure was) or wondering "what's wrong with me?" this might be a great activity for you to do.

Get rid of that guy that... sucks.

Are you currently dating someone that you know (like 100% without a doubt KNOW) you need to get rid of? These would be the guys that have other girls calling and Face-timing them, always lying about something or frustrating you beyond belief... but you keep letting them back in when you get bored. (Just me?)

If you want to lock in some real #RelationshipGoals, you're going to have to get rid of that guy to make space for someone that wants the same things you do.

 

Date... a lot.

I always thought that love was easy. Guy meets girl. Girl meets guy. They fall in love. The end.

But of course that's not how it works in real life. In reality, there are several options and we're all here on this earth looking for the right fit. Someone who matches our personality that we can have fun with, share values and (at some point) a future with.

That might take a while to find. And if you only date one person, you'll never experience alternatives to be able to truly know what you want - or appreciate what you have.

 

Re-build your confidence.

After being on several dates that didn't work out for one reason or another (in my case I didn't want kids and many of the guys I dated did), I started to beat myself up. I would show up on dates thinking

"Welp, this guy won't like me either."

"I'm sure this is a waste of my time."

I would even try not to disclose the fact that I didn't want kids until it was explicitly asked. #TheStruggle

Finally, I decided I only wanted guys who wanted me and started to be 100% unapologetic in everything that I am. Oddly enough, that's when they all started beating my door down.

 

What I Learned

There really is someone for everyone.

First, that no matter who you are, what you like, what type of personality you have - someone out there will find you AMAZING.

 

Rotational Dating is necessary.

Because I got over my fears of dating more than one person at a time, I learned to enjoy meeting people and appreciating people for who they were. I was no longer looking for each person to be THE ONE.

When you're dating multiple people, you get to learn what you want slowly over time. Someone becomes "the one" because you've chosen them, not simply because they were the only person you were dating. (And to be honest, knowing I always had options made me feel powerful. #truth)

 

If it's meat to be, it will be.

I'm currently in an amazing relationship with someone who I had the space, time and energy to choose. We often talk about deciding on what success looks like - and during this journey I realized that I could also do that in my relationships.

On the contrary, I learned that just because I've chosen him (and he's chosen me) today, that doesn't obligate either of us to continue to choose each other forever. And if we grow apart, I can go back to step 1, because now I've found the beauty in love, from beginning to end.

 
 
chantl.jpg

About Chantl

Chantl founded Thrive Lounge to give women the kick in the pants they need (lovingly, of course) to uncomplicate their goals, stop making excuses, get productive and start living the life they always wanted. Her workbook, The Vision Board Planner, gives women a step-by-step guide to create a super effective and life-changing vision board.