After the first month of being “exclusive,” I felt a nervousness that something about the relationship wasn’t right.
Maybe it was that time we ran into one of his co-workers at a restaurant and he introduced me as his “friend.”
Maybe the way he made me feel like a small child during an argument (or the fact that he was really 37 and I’d just graduated college.)
Maybe it was the time I found a ring on his finger after three months of serious dating (I’d known him for two years - and never knew he had a wife.) 😳
I was 22…
And that 22-year-old girl convinced herself that love conquers all.
The feeling in my gut gently nudged me to run.
I ignored it.
Over time, that little nudge became a huge kick.
I ignored it.
Then I found another woman in our bathroom.
And honestly, I wasn’t surprised at all.
I had a feeling this would end horribly, but I ignored it Every. Single. Time. I accepted his excuses and clever show of affection over my intuition.
And I paid for that mistake with my broken heart.
What’s intuition and how does it work?
Your intuition is the ability to understand something immediately, without the need for conscious reasoning. It’s that feeling in your gut that tells you something about this situation isn’t right.
Your instincts tell you something is, even when you have zero evidence to prove it.
It’s like when your gut tells you to run far away from a guy that seems perfect. Or not to hire that freelancer that never answers emails. Or stay far away from the hairdresser whose prices are too good to be true.
Who can use intuition?
Everyone has these instincts, but many people choose not to pay attention to them. You’ll have a feeling that things aren’t right, but you’ll rely on the facts that you can see.
Sometimes those facts aren’t as compelling as your instincts.
In my terrible relationship, I paid attention to his presence, the dinners, the great conversations we had, the way he listened to me and took actions based on my requests, and (because I was a huge sucker) the way that man looked in a suit.
I knew he wasn’t right for me the whole time.
I simply ignored my intuition.
Can intuition be learned?
Yes. Like anything else, your intuition is like a muscle, the more you use it, the better you get at hearing your inner voice and following through on it.
Believe it or not, I didn’t learn to trust my gut after that relationship.
It took a few more years of hiring people who did poor work, saying “yes” to partnerships that ended in disaster, and following someone else’s script for my life before I realized that my instincts are always right.
How to develop your intuition
Don’t be afraid to ignore logic
One of the scariest things about intuition, when you first start listening to it, is that you may not have any evidence that you’re making the right choice.
In this case, I want you to take a look back at all the times you ignored your intuition.
Use that as your evidence for listening to that gut feeling!
Journal
Journaling gives you a blank and totally non-judgemental space to listen to yourself. It’s your space to write what you want and feel your emotions - whatever they are.
In that honest space, you may see your intuition showing up more than in the real world where you have to worry about other people’s feelings and reactions.
In your space to be honest with yourself, you’ll hear your inner voice louder than ever.
Meditate
Meditation gives you the opportunity to separate yourself from the world around you - the social media gurus telling you what you should do with your time, or mentors and family members with advice - and gives you a chance to be still.
In stillness, you can only hear yourself.
There, in that silence, you’ll be able to find more clarity in your desires and confidence in your choices.
Learn From The Past
I’ve never met anyone who doesn’t have a story that sounds like this:
“Something told me this wasn’t right but…” followed by a decision that turned out horribly wrong.
Think about your “something told me this wasn’t right but…” story. (I know you have one!)
For me, it was definitely that terrible relationship. I knew the relationship wasn’t right but it felt good to date someone so freakin’ fancy. The super swank restaurants, nice car, and THOSE SUITS clouded my judgment.
Sleep on It
When you have a big decision to make, you might want to go with the bad choice and “just go for it!” One of the best things you can do for yourself is to take a step back from the situation and ask yourself “Is this what I really want?”
Taking a night to step away from the decision and give yourself some space will allow you to see clearly if it’s something you really want.
Get on the “No” Train
Earlier this year, I took Marie Forleo’s B-school, a course for online business owners. The one general rule I learned in the course is “If it’s not a hell yes, it’s a hell no!”
This phrase means that if a request or opportunity doesn’t light you up and get you super excited, then you’ve got to say “No” to it. It’s a simple way to follow your gut without thinking too deeply about it. You’re right - end of story.
How To Take Action Right Now
Create a reminder for your future self. Write down 3 times that you didn’t trust your intuition and what happened as a result.
Trust yourself. Write down this affirmation and place it somewhere you can see it daily “I trust myself to make the right decisions for me.”
Just do it! The next time you have a gut feeling, follow it, no matter how crazy it seems or how little facts you have.
Following your intuition can seem off-putting or scary at first, but as you develop your ability to hear yourself and trust yourself, you’ll realize that YOU make the best decisions for your life. You do know what’s best for you, it’s up to you to take action on your deepest desires.
In the comments, tell us the last time your intuition helped you do something amazing.
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Cyrene is a fun and accomplished workshop facilitator, learning and development guru and Human Resources professional. Being at the helm of Thrive Lounge has been a long-time dream. Through vision board workshops she plans to accomplish two-way learning. Sharing her vast years of knowledge to motivate and encourage others; while simultaneously getting the reward of great energy, ideas and questions to ponder back from each group. A super win-win. Please join our Thrive Lounge community so you too can benefit!
