5 Things To Do Instead of Committing Suicide

This post may contain affiliate links. Please read my disclosure for more info.

committing suicide.png

I recently shared my full debt story on Chain of Wealth Podcast. This interview inspired me to create this series. Rise From Rock Bottom tells every story from my failure years - and how I overcame it.


There was a bridge. 

I would pass it every day after leaving my luxury apartment, in my high end car. It overlooked the highway and busy cars filled the streets at all hours of the night.

And every day I would think to myself... "I wish I could just jump off."

My life had become something that only looked beautiful on the outside. I continued the charade with my delightful smile and playful demeanor. (I mean... I couldn't let anyone know how I was really feeling. It was unpleasant.)

Day after day, my daydreams would get more vivid until I could see myself walking around the gate and sitting on the edge of the bridge. My fingers would tremble when I grabbed the rusted iron and pull myself up. I would cry and think about my family while looking down at the busy highway below until I could muster up enough strength to...

jump.

That wan't an easy time for me (and to be honest it's pretty difficult to admit now) but I know it's a reality for many people. 

I didn't understand why I was suffering or what my life had become. I was broke. I couldn't afford to feed myself. I was a slave to my bills.

I believed there was no way out. 

I tried talking to a psychologist because I wanted to talk to someone that wouldn't judge me. On the first visit, I felt like she was judging me. I walked though my painful story (the parts I don't tell my friends about). I fought back tears and choked on my words but I got everything out.

Afterwards, her first question to me was "Do you want to hurt your daughter?"

HOW IN THE WORLD DID YOU GET THAT FROM ANYTHING I SAID. #Facepalm

She continued. I smiled. I nodded.  (Mostly because I was paying for the full hour.) I left her office believing that I must be beyond help. 

This time in my life was difficult, but there was a few things that were actually helpful for me to regain my strength and want to live again.  

 

Disclaimer: I'm not a licensed therapist (or even close). I'm just someone sharing my story on the internet and hoping I help someone. If you feel you are in crisis, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. It is a free, 24-hour hotline, at 1.800.273.TALK (8255).

 

Call Your Friends

The only times I would get depressed (or feel like dying) would be when I was stuck in my head. I would spend my time scolding myself. 

"How could you be so stupid!" 

 

Other times, I was genuinely confused.

"How did you get here?" 

 

I felt helpless.

"You'll never get out of this."

 

I felt unworthy.

"You're too stupid. You're useless. You're lazy."

 

I started to call my friends whenever I got a second alone. Even if I was in tears, it was nice to hear a friendly voice to push out internal one. 

It was a distraction from my own thoughts but I believe it was the right way to go for me. 

 

Visit Family

Family has a way of making you feel warm inside - even if you don't know what to do with your life.

During that time, I had a standing date with my grandmother. I would go to my moms house every Sunday and my grandmother and I would find something to watch together. She'd make dinner and I'd sit with my her and watch whatever she'd chosen for that week. 

At one point, we found a series to enjoy together that came on Sunday nights so we'd spend time before and after the show speculating about what would happen next. 

In those times, I could only think about how much fun I was having - and how much I appreciated those moments with my grandmother. 

 

Take melatonin to fall asleep

Melatonin is a hormone that helps your body regulate sleep. (I stole this legit definition from WebMD. I, on the other hand, heard it on a podcast and was willing to try anything.)

Since I was so disappointed with my life, I would spend the entire night awake wondering how I could pull myself out of this rut. I would think about things I could create, jobs I could apply for, different things I could sell. 

Some nights I would get stuck in a negative cycle and spend the entire night crying. 

I would end up with very little sleep, maybe an hour or so, before it was time to start my next day. 

That's when I started to take melatonin. Any night I realized that my mind was racing or thinking negative thoughts, I would take the recommended dosage of melatonin. 

It would help me get to sleep at night so I could finally stop worrying. 

 

Find A goal to work Towards

At this point, I was used to constantly failing and having doors slammed in my face. I was convinced at that point I as a loser. I didn't have the confidence or intelligence to sustain a long term goal. 

I associated my identity with failure.

Parenting was one thing I hadn't failed at (at least not yet). Plus, I could easily make the decision to be a good parent any time.... and I didn't have to wait to see the results. 

I would cook a new meal.. and see my daughter's face light up. 

We could bake a cake together.. and I could watch her learn something new. 

We would do crafts together.. and I could see the pride in her eyes when she created something beautiful. 

Instead of using my energy to beat myself up, I could give what little energy I had to my daughter. 

 

Do everything with other people... EVERYTHING

I realized quickly that my trigger for negative thoughts and crying was being alone. For better or for worst, I love to present a positive outlook on life to the outer world and I used that tendency to my advantage. 

I first asked my mom could my little sister move in with me. With someone else in the house that I could talk to at any time, I rarely ever had to worry about my negative thoughts.

On the weekends, I would spend nights at friend's houses. I found a workout buddy to go to the gym with every night. 

When I was with people, I didn't think about my pain or how I let myself fall that low or how I'd always be a failure. I could only think about enjoying this moment with a friend.... and my good fortune to have friends that would be there when I needed them most. 

 

This is my story. That means these may not work for you. It was perfect for me to get through hell and come out on the other side victorious (and alive) during my lowest point in life. 

 

Ready To Accomplish Your Greatest Goals? 

  1. Start planning out your largest goals with the FREE Goal Planning Worksheet.

  2. Take a FREE personal development class on CreativeLive.

  3. Do you struggle with finishing the goals you start? Get clarity on your goals and the strategies to reach them with the ebook Goal Doing: Practical Advice For Goal Setting, Action Planning and Achieving Your Dreams.


takephoto.jpg

About Chantl

Chantl founded Thrive Lounge to give women the kick in the pants they need (lovingly, of course) to uncomplicate their goals, stop making excuses, get productive and start living the life they always wanted. Her book, Goal Doing: Practical Advice For Goal Setting, Action Planning and Achieving Your Dreams, gives women a step-by-step guide to create, plan and achieve their grandest goals.

Why Ruining My Credit Was The Best Decision Of My Life

This post may contain affiliate links. Please read my disclosure for more info.

ruin credit fix life.png

I recently shared my super painful debt story on Chain of Wealth Podcast. This interview inspired me to create this series. Rise From Rock Bottom tells every story from my failure years - and how I overcame it.


 

In 2015, I was under a mountain of debt. I had about $15K in credit card debt and a $25K car loan on a Mercedes Benz. If that wasn't bad enough, I also had a luxury apartment that easily cost $1500/month. 

I was 25 and a single mom. #TheStruggle

Determined to maintain my credit score, I worked 3 jobs to put food on the table, pay my car note, my high-AF rent and continue making the minimum payments on my various credit cards.

I was under water, overworked, exhausted, and out of options.

If I stopped to take a breath at any moment, I would fall behind on paying bills, my rent would not get paid, there would be no food on the table. I was the epitome of paycheck to paycheck. 

Flash forward to today.

By the end of 2016, I landed a job for one of the top Marketing Analytics firms in the world, making triple what I was making with three jobs. My company that lets you work from where ever you want, have unlimited vacation, a robust retirement plan and values me as an individual.

Most importantly, I am happy.

 

How did I make this transition in one year? 

I made the hardest decision of my life: I stopped paying my bills... ALL OF THEM. 

I called all of my credit cards and informed them I would no longer by paying. I turned my phone off (yes, completely off). I did a voluntary repossession on my Mercedes Benz and bought a crappy car in cash. 

 

Lowering my bills meant I didn't need more money.

With over $2500 in rent, car payments and credit card minimums every month, I was obligated to work enough hours to cover my bills - EVERY SINGLE MONTH. That means before I could put money into my savings account, buy food or invest in my future I had to make $2500 that would immediately go out the door to pay for my earlier mistakes.

I only made $2000-$2200 each month as a receptionist, waitress and low-paid freelancer at the time. That meant that every month I was also spending MORE MONEY ON CREDIT CARDS. 

Deciding to stop paying my bills and move out of my apartment (and into my moms basement) meant that I would no longer need $2500 each month. Without working any harder, I would now have $2200 each month TO INVEST IN MYSELF. 

 

What did I do instead?

I made the decision to get masters a degree in a high demand, high value and growing field: Data Science.

I woke up every morning at 3am and rolled out of bed so I could wake up by the shock (and slight pain) of hitting the floor. (I was training myself for a war I intended to win.) I started studying for the GRE. 

Within a few months, I had scored well, applied to school and got into the state school near my parent's house.

Remember the crappy car I bought with I did a voluntary repossession on my fancy benz?  I sold it to pay for as much of my school fees as possible and minimize the amount of loans I had to take out.

Because I no longer needed the money, I was able to quit my receptionist and waitress jobs to go to school full time. I even fired all of my freelance clients and only kept the highest paying client.

After my nine month master's program, I walked across the stage just one year after starting this journey with an offer in hand - for triple what I was being paid before.

 

My life changed completely.

At this new job, I made $65K per year. That meant I finally would be able to pay off my debts and also have time for myself, my family and there would be money left over to save and invest in myself. 

I also learned the most important lesson of my life: Spend less than you make. (Crazy how long it took to learn that lesson, right?)

 

I sacrificed my credit score to improve my life.

I am not advocating for scamming your way out of paying for your financial obligations. I am a firm believer that you SHOULD pay your debts. However, that is a choice you CAN make. 

Without the bills, I didn't need three jobs.

Without the jobs, I didn't have to feel stressed every month about creating more income, working harder. I didn't have to burn myself out.

I could think clearly about who I was and what I really wanted out of life. With a clear mind, I put myself in a position to change my life permanently.

I made the conscious decision to take 10 steps back to (finally) propel myself forward. From where I'm standing, I made the right choice.

 

Ready To Accomplish Your Greatest Goals? 

  1. Start planning out your largest goals with the FREE Goal Planning Worksheet.
  2. Take a FREE personal development class on CreativeLive
  3. Do you struggle with finishing the goals you start? Get clarity on your goals and the strategies to reach them with the ebook Goal Doing: Practical Advice For Goal Setting, Action Planning and Achieving Your Dreams.

takephoto.jpg

About Chantl

Chantl founded Thrive Lounge to give women the kick in the pants they need (lovingly, of course) to uncomplicate their goals, stop making excuses, get productive and start living the life they always wanted. Her book, Goal Doing: Practical Advice For Goal Setting, Action Planning and Achieving Your Dreams, gives women a step-by-step guide to create, plan and achieve their grandest goals.

Six Common Mistakes People Make When Hosting A Vision Board Party

This post may contain affiliate links. Please read my disclosure for more info.

VISION BOARD PARTY MISTAKES.png

Vision board parties can be a ton of fun, but since they're often hosted by us regular folks who sit around drinking and chatting for fun - and have now decided to add some vision boards into the mix, they don't always have the best structure. 

As a host, it your job to make sure that attendees get what they want to achieve out of coming to the event.

Here are a few common mistakes people make that you'll want to avoid while you're planning your vision board party.

 

Filling every minute of the agenda

I know this one sounds a bit crazy! We want for every moment to be planned out and have every activity flow really well into the next one. 

Here's what's wrong with that: 

  • About 50% of attendees will show up late.

  • People will inevitably miss key content and want you to repeat.

  • A full agenda doesn't leave much time for networking and chatting with others.

Solution: Leave some "mingling" time in your agenda. It's unstructured time where people can get to know each other and chat about whatever they want. This will help them start to build relationships with others on their own. 

 

Not having food/drink options for everyone

Food can be tricky. I once held an event where I forgot the non-alcoholic beverages and had to get a pitcher of water for non-wine drinkers! You want to have super yummy options and get creative to your hearts content, but you also want to be inclusive so that everyone at the event has something to eat.

Solution: Make sure you cover the basics and have gluten free, dairy free and vegetarian options for people. If you want to get fancy, add a form to the registration where people can outline exactly what kinds of food allergies they have so you can plan accordingly.

 

Not having enough good magazines

Magazines are the backbone of the vision board! If you don't have enough good magazines to go around, people will end up fingering through the same ones over and over long after they've realized that there is no inspiration in them. 

Solution: Ask attendees to bring their own extra magazines from home. 

 

Not telling people what to bring

It's pretty common for people provide their own poster boards and bring their own magazines at vision board parties. If you don't plan on providing everything for your attendees, you'll want to make sure they know exactly what to bring. Otherwise people may show up empty handed and you run the risk of not having enough materials to go around.

Solution: Provide a list of items that they can scan quickly.

 

Not curating good speakers

If you decide to bring speakers to your event, it could go really well or really poorly. Speakers are meant to compliment the event or raise it to the next level with fun, relevant and inspiring stories for your audience. 

Solution: Make sure any speaker you invite has experience that would be relevant to the people attending the event. 

 

Not Facilitating conversation among guests

Sometimes you can drop people into a room and they just click. People make friends easily and find common grounds to start really cool conversations on. Other times, it's a bit more of a struggle. Unfortunately, you have now way of knowing whether your guests will click immediately or if they'll take a little warming up. 

Solution: Have a few ideas ready to get people engaged early on in the event with some ice breaker activities that can get the conversation started. 

 

These common vision board party mistakes are super easy to avoid with proper planning and a little bit of flexibility. Enjoy your party planning. 

xoxo

 

Want To Start Planning Your Vision Board Party? 

  1. Hosting a party for family and friends? Read The Ultimate Guide To Epic Vision Board Parties.

  2. Are you a coach or educator looking to host a profitable vision board party? Start the Sold Out Vision Board Parties Course.

  3. No Magazines? No problem! Order printable affirmation cards to get started right away!

Ready To Plan Your Next Vision Board Party?

Grab the FREE party planning checklist I use to plan easy breezy (and totally unforgettable) vision board parties!

Subscribe to the newsletter for regular updates and instant access to the checklist!

We won't send you spam. Unsubscribe at any time. Powered by ConvertKit

takephoto.jpg

About Chantl

Chantl founded Thrive Lounge to give women the kick in the pants they need (lovingly, of course) to uncomplicate their goals, stop making excuses, get productive and start living the life they always wanted. Her Sold Out Vision Board Parties online course, helps success and mindfulness coaches host profitable, effective and transformative vision board parties.