The Definitive Guide to Negotiating with Family (For People Who Can’t Say No)

Did you know that I work on this website every single Sunday?

It’s a part of my weekly routine to invest my time in creating this content that shares my story with the world. 

My whole family knows that I work on Sundays…. and that the time I spend is non-negotiable. 

A few weeks ago, my mother planned a dinner for my grandfather, who would be traveling back to Liberia (and we’d likely not see him again for a few years).

On a SUNDAY.

“Can you come to dinner?”  she asked

This is my mother. The woman who raised me.

The woman who helped me through my roughest times and who has given me money to pursue my dreams on numerous occasions. 

C’mon! How could I say no to this lady, right?

Well, I still spent my day working on my website as planned, and I did not attend the dinner. 😲

But my mother still felt great about how we spent our time. 

Many people have a hard time saying no to their loved ones and I’m no different. I have just found a way to say no that works for me. 

This week, I want to share my rules for negotiating with family, so that you can start doing things that feel good for you.

Why is it hard to say no to family?

That’s easy. We feel guilty saying no to people we love. 

Often, these are the people who have supported us through every step of our lives, helped us with every setback, and cheered us on for every goal. 

With the tips I share later, you can learn to say no in a way that doesn’t bring on the guilt.

Why do I feel so guilty when I say no?

You feel guilty because you want to be there for your family. You want to support them. You want them to be happy. 

It’s important to know that sometimes the things that make them happy, don’t always align with your goals, your values, and your sources of joy. That guilt you feel is completely normal.

When is it OK to say no to family?

You can say no whenever you want. But here are a few guidelines to follow:

• You’re not comfortable with the request.

• You have priorities that you’ve scheduled for that specific time. 

• The request is in direct opposition to your values or beliefs.

It’s important to say no to your family to protect your energy and your time. Sometimes you have to say no to family to say yes to yourself. 

How to Get Comfortable Saying No to Family

To get comfortable in saying no to your family members and their requests, it’s important to find clarity and set your own rules. You need to know ahead of time what you are willing to compromise on and what you are not.

Set some non-negotiables and do not break them for anyone

When you have rules, it’s easy to communicate why you’re saying no. If you keep the same rules over time, your family will see that you’re not rejecting them. Your rules become “what you do.”

When you respect your rules, your family will too.

My general rule is I work on my website on Sundays. That’s non-negotiable. I communicated that with my family the moment I made the decision. 

What rules can you set that will help you to achieve your goals? 

Respect your time as much as you do everyone else’s time

Every time you agree to do something for someone else, you’re taking time away from YOUR goals. Think about the way you’ll feel if you trade your progress for the request. 

If I don’t work on my goals, I will feel “behind.” I will feel like I’m not moving forward. I will feel like I’m not contributing to my future.  I will feel stressed about getting behind.

Ask more questions about the request

Understanding why people make these requests of you can help you to find a solution that enables you to honor their wishes and keep your commitments to yourself.

In the case of the Sunday dinner, I asked my mother why she needed me to be there. She told me my grandfather was old and likely would not be visiting again. She wanted him to have one last moment with all his grandchildren.  

Offer an alternative that feels good to you

I wanted to spend time with my family and see my grandfather off, but I didn’t want to negotiate with my work time. 

First, I asked my mother if she could move the dinner to Saturday, but she couldn’t. Sunday was the best day for most people and I was the only one with a conflict.

So, I offered to come a day earlier. I visited my mother’s house on Saturday night to spend time with her. I worked from her place Sunday morning, spending time with her and my grandfather in between my work on the blog. 

Although I left when dinner started, I was present for the time that felt good for me. I stuck with my commitments and was able to share quality time with my family. 

How to Take Action Today

1. Create your non-negotiable “rules.” 

2. Let your family know about the rules.

3. Practice saying no the next time you’re asked for something and use your non-negotiables as the reasoning.

Let’s be honest, we love our family and want to be there to support them. When you support your family in a way that feels right for you, that will bring you more joy. It will make those experiences more powerful and create stronger memories. How great would that feel?

What are the non-negotiables you’re going to live by? Let us know in the comments!

Want To Start Planning Your Vision Board Party? 

1. Download the FREE vision board party planning checklist.

2. Craft your inspiring vision board workshop talk with our FREE High Impact Storytelling Journal Prompts. 

3. Plan, promote & host your first (or next) professional & profitable vision board workshop with our signature course, Sold Out Vision Board Parties.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Cyrene is a fun and accomplished workshop facilitator, learning and development guru and Human Resources professional. Being at the helm of Thrive Lounge has been a long-time dream. Through vision board workshops she plans to accomplish two-way learning. Sharing her vast years of knowledge to motivate and encourage others; while simultaneously getting the reward of great energy, ideas and questions to ponder back from each group. A super win-win. Please join our Thrive Lounge community so you too can benefit!

How to Declutter Your Mind & Simplify Your Life Without Guilt

At 25, I worked three jobs in order to barely stay current on my bills. I didn’t have enough money to put food on the table. I had a 7-year-old daughter to feed and ran up my credit cards to stay afloat. 

With growing credit card debt, big car notes, a child to feed, and bills constantly going late or unpaid, my mind ran in circles All. The. Time. 

I couldn’t plan for the future or take time for myself. Something was always on fire. I always needed more money.

My desperate thoughts kept me awake into the morning hours. I began taking melatonin every night just to fall asleep. 

That never-ending cycle was my life. 

Have you ever had a moment like that where you’d give anything just to quiet your mind? 

It’s a terrible feeling that I wouldn’t wish on anyone, but if you’re there right now, then this post is for you. 

The key to getting out of that rut and creating inner peace is decluttering… your mind.

What Is Decluttering? 

Decluttering is when you remove unnecessary items from an untidy or overcrowded place. You can declutter anything - imagine your workspace, your kitchen drawers or your attic. 

In this case, we’re talking about decluttering your mind. That means that we’re going to remove all of the unnecessary things that take up space in your mind to add worry or anxiety to your life.

Why Should You Declutter Your Mind?  

There are three main reasons to reduce your mental clutter: 

Reduce worry and anxiety.

The art of decluttering simply means that you’re going to take away the things that do not bring you joy. 

That could be the car note you’re struggling to pay or the notifications constantly pinging you, adding a sense of urgency to your life which annoys you. You could even remove the relationships that are stressing you out.

Once you start to remove those things, you’ll have fewer things to worry about on a daily basis.

Increase happiness.

When you remove the people, responsibilities, and things that do not bring you joy, what’s left? Only the things that you love. 

Each time you remove something you don’t like, you increase your confidence in your ability to choose what matters. You worry less, which means you savor life more on a daily basis.

Increase abundance in your life. 

What happens when you don’t have to worry about the constant fires and bill collectors calling to stress you out?

You simply have less stress. When you have fewer things on your mind, you free yourself to think about your future, the bigger picture, and where you want to go versus than where you are today. 

You can be more productive in your life because you no longer have to split your time between things that matter and things that don’t. You’ve removed the unnecessary, so all that’s left is the important - the joy.

How Do I Know What To Keep?

I know it can be hard to think about removing things from your life, especially if this is your first attempt at decluttering. 

But don’t worry, I’ll hold your hand through it ;) 

The beauty of decluttering is that you have control over what you remove - and you only remove things you don’t absolutely want to keep in your life.

Understand that decluttering is removing the unnecessary, the stressors, the negative and the anxiety-inducing things that have likely migrated into your life. 

Decluttering requires you to be intentional about your life and choose what you want. Everything you remove if your choice. What could be more powerful than that?

Decluttering only seems scary because you don’t want to get rid of something and realize “oh my gosh, I really wanted that!” 

I want you to repeat after me… “If I remove something from my life, I can always bring it back.”

I removed the TV from my life and realized quickly that I didn’t need a TV to be happy. On the other hand, I stopped hanging out because I wanted to save money and I realized that it made me incredibly unhappy. I need to spend time with friends, even if it will cost me because that interaction truly brings me joy.

When should I declutter?

I’m a firm believer that you can start anytime. You don’t need to wait for “the right time” to start removing the unnecessary from your life. In fact, you can do this several times a year. 

However, some great times to do this are: 

1. During a big life change. New babies, retirement, purchasing a new home or even a break up can shift your responsibilities and your priorities. This can be a great time to realign with what matters to you and remove the things that no longer serve you.

2. When you’re ready for a fresh start. In my life, I was tired of being tired. I couldn’t continue working three jobs, being too exhausted for loved ones, and being unable to pay bills. I needed a fresh start asap. 

3. When you’re overwhelmed with life. Overwhelm and anxiety are signs that you need to reduce complexity. Decluttering your life can help you reduce the number of things you have to think about on a daily basis.

How To Declutter Your Life Without Guilt

Clarify your priorities.

Take some time to decide what your biggest priorities are. Make a list. Do some journaling. Go for a long walk to think. Meditate. Take the time to decide what is MOST important.

Remove things that are not a priority.

Start saying no to events on your calendar that don’t bring you joy or aren’t on your priority list. Put some better processes in place at home to save you time on household tasks so you can spend that time doing things that ARE on your list.

Let go of the outcome.

You can’t make everyone happy. And not everyone will be happy with what you’ve decided to prioritize. Let go of what everyone else thinks about your decisions. This is YOUR life. No one else has to live it but you.

Make a decision… and follow-through.

Whatever you decided on, go for it. You can always go back and tweak your priorities. Just start. Find out what works for you.

Slow down or take a break.

Sometimes slowing down or taking a short break can be the exact thing that you need in order to recharge and start climbing forward with your priorities.

How To Start Decluttering Your Mind Today

You can start small by decluttering your physical space. You can choose to declutter a drawer, a closet, your office, your kitchen, or the whole house. 

If you’re afraid of losing something that you may end up wanting to keep, start by placing everything you’d like to remove in a box. Tape the box up and place it in the basement or a closet that you don’t use often. 

Leave the items in the box for 30 days to 6 months before throwing it out (depending on what feels comfortable for you). If you notice that you don’t touch the box during the entire time, then you truly don’t need those items. If you do need to go into the box, then you can take the items that you need. 

This is a small step to learn how to declutter your space. Once you get started, you might want to remove bigger things - like your TV, annoying smartphone apps, or soul-sucking relationships. 

Decluttering is not about getting rid of things. It’s about getting rid of the things that do not contribute value or joy to your life.

This allows you to make room for opportunities that you enjoy and the things that matter most. When you remove the excess, you’re able to enjoy the moment, be present, and appreciate the life you’ve intentionally created.

What’s one thing you’re ready to remove from your life right now?

Want To Start Planning Your Vision Board Party? 

1. Download the FREE vision board party planning checklist.

2. Craft your inspiring vision board workshop talk with our FREE High Impact Storytelling Journal Prompts. 

3. Plan, promote & host your first (or next) professional & profitable vision board workshop with our signature course, Sold Out Vision Board Parties.

---

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Cyrene is a fun and accomplished workshop facilitator, learning and development guru and Human Resources professional. Being at the helm of Thrive Lounge has been a long-time dream. Through vision board workshops she plans to accomplish two-way learning. Sharing her vast years of knowledge to motivate and encourage others; while simultaneously getting the reward of great energy, ideas and questions to ponder back from each group. A super win-win. Please join our Thrive Lounge community so you too can benefit!