Do you know what it’s like to look in the mirror and hate the person staring back at you?
I do.
A few years ago, I would climb atop my sink to watch tears fall from my eyes, and think...
“If you don’t stop being so darn bubbly, you’ll never find a job.”
“You only know how to read books and regurgitate answers, you couldn’t create anything of your own.”
I wanted more than anything to believe that other people had something that I didn’t. That there was no way for me to be successful because I had these terrible traits that held me back.
In fact, I soon learned that the only thing holding me back from anything was my mindset.
I wanted there to be some reason I wasn’t successful so bad that I ultimately held myself back from any success I could’ve achieved.
If this sounds anything like you (maybe not the crying part), then it might be time to infuse a bit of self-acceptance into your life.
We can all be successful, and it’s the things that make us wildly different that set us apart and allow us to contribute to the world around us in our most significant ways.
The moment I realized that little nugget was the first time I could genuinely be happy with where I was on my life’s journey… and get excited about whatever would come next.
Because in each moment, I could love myself. Who I am today… and who I will become.
That kind of internal peace comes from self-acceptance.
What is self-acceptance?
Put simply, it’s finding the good in you and appreciating the flaws.
Is low self-acceptance affecting my life?
If you’re in a space where you don’t accept yourself, you might find it hard to be present in your life.
Because you’re unhappy with yourself, you’re likely wishing for your life to be different. You regret things you’ve done or bad decisions you’ve made in the past. You might also have anxiety about the future because you fear things won’t change.
Low self-acceptance affects every area of your life. It lowers your self-esteem, which limits your ability to advocate for yourself at work, notice what you do well, and participate in healthy relationships.
What does self-acceptance look like?
When you find the space to accept yourself, you can appreciate the world around you as it is instead of hoping for something different. That is the only way you can begin living in the present.
The moment I accepted myself, I immediately felt lighter. I no longer saw my life as disappointing. Instead, I decided to appreciate my journey and looked for opportunities to use my gifts and talents to benefit me rather than harp on my flaws.
How To Create (or Improve) Self-Acceptance
Self-acceptance Affirmations
Sometimes you can’t shake the feeling that you’re not good enough. Maybe (if you’re like me) you’ve had far too many failures in the past. Those failures serve as evidence that you somehow are inherently destined to fail.
That’s where an affirmation will work wonders for you.
You can use an affirmation when you have to “trick” your brain into believing something is true. What you say affects what you think, which then changes your actions and what you become.
Choose an affirmation to say out loud daily, when you’re afraid, when you’re beating yourself up or when you need a pick-me-up.
When I would sit on my bathroom sink, killing my dreams with negative thoughts, I started to say, “I am the architect of my life. I choose it’s contents and built its walls.”
That affirmation reminded me that I can choose my future. It gave me the strength to pull myself together and be optimistic about my next steps.
Notice the flaws that impact your life negatively - and actively fix them.
Don’t get me wrong here.
Accepting your flaws doesn’t mean you have to live with them forever. When I was 19, I had my daughter, and my perky boobs dried up and looked two deflated balloons.
C’mon! I envied every 19-year-old next to me (who all still had their adorable college boobs).
I hated my body, with stretch marks, wrinkled skin, and freshly popped balloons for breasts. So, I accepted what is - and then did something about it.
Yes, I got a boob job. And I never regretted it for one moment.
Completely ignore advice if it doesn’t align with your heart.
The best feeling in the world (and the biggest confidence booster) is choosing you in every moment - even if it’s a little silly.
Now, I don’t mean you should ignore great advice from people you trust because you’re too stubborn to change your mind.
I do mean you should follow your gut when you feel that you’re making the right choice for you.
When I got married, I had my bachelorette party after my wedding. My family and friends pleaded with me to change the name of the party to something more palatable. I refused.
Because it’s my wedding… and I get to choose. #BAM
Had I changed it, I would’ve gone on a tangent, stressing out about naming conventions and making others happy. I knew what was important to me - spending time with friends.
Stop participating in social media
I spent a year completely off of Instagram. I hated the way I envied other people. They’d be experiencing a wonderful vacation, looking beautiful at happy hours and dinners, in healthy and seemingly happy relationships, and I’d wonder, “where’s mine?”
Then one day, while snooping on an ex (as we all do), I saw he got engaged. He was the nastiest person (by far) that I ever met - and I couldn't believe that jerk found someone. Meanwhile, I’m on my couch with a glass of wine watching an entire season of yet another Netflix original.
I immediately wondered how I can be SUCH A LOSER. Then I asked why I spent my time snooping and decided to remove myself from Instagram altogether.
I compared myself to everyone - not just him. I am a fantastic person, but playing the comparison game on social media kept me from seeing that.
Don’t be me. Opt-out of the comparison game - and notice how much more you appreciate yourself!
How To Practice Self-Acceptance Today
Here’s the deal. You don’t have to wait for everything to be perfect or for January first to start your self-acceptance journey.
Pay attention to any negative thoughts you have.
Write them down.
Create an affirmation to help you combat that negative feeling when it comes up again.
Finding ways to accept yourself is not a one-and-done activity; it’s a lifelong practice. Take time each week to appreciate your flaws and move towards what you want out of your life.
What’s one thing you’re going to do this week to boost your self-acceptance?
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Cyrene is a fun and accomplished workshop facilitator, learning and development guru and Human Resources professional. Being at the helm of Thrive Lounge has been a long-time dream. Through vision board workshops she plans to accomplish two-way learning. Sharing her vast years of knowledge to motivate and encourage others; while simultaneously getting the reward of great energy, ideas and questions to ponder back from each group. A super win-win. Please join our Thrive Lounge community so you too can benefit!
