Four Ways Adults Can Create A Meaningful Social Circle

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There is something about adulthood that makes it incredibly difficult to make new friends.

In elementary, middle and high school, you’re forced to see a particular cohort of folks a few times a week, forced to do activities and projects with them. Inevitably, some of those people you’re forced to interact with become friends.

I wasn’t always the best at making new friends. In fact, I was always the lonely-looking girl standing awkwardly by the punch bowl at every conference or event. I didn’t know what to say so usually, I said nothing.

Even when someone would come up to me (you know, after you accidentally make eye contact for 5 seconds or more) and start small talk. They’d ask me about my day and on the inside I’d start to panic.

I wanted to be the person that always said the right thing… the cool thing… the witty thing. I wanted so desperately to make a connection that I often said nothing.

Through sheer stubbornness and persistence, I kept putting myself in these awkward situations (re: punch bowl, eye contact) until they started to feel normal and I mustered up the courage to start makin’ some friends.

The followings tips come from lessons I learned on my journey and some of the best practices I’ve ever received to build deeper, more intimate relationships with other women as an adult.

Send Handwritten Notes... for any reason.

I met a young lady at a networking event and she asked to follow up with me on a call later that week. We talked about her business and what she could do to grow. At the end of the call she asked for my address. I gave it to her and completely forgot about the ask, since no one ever really sends anything in the mail.

A week later, I got a postcard thanking me for my help. I couldn't believe it! I honestly felt warm on the inside.

She immediately set herself apart from anyone else I've ever met in my entire life. To this day, we've done two partnerships and we've become great friends. 

I started to send handwritten notes to friends and family at least once a year. I notice they’re always just as surprised as I was to receive that first note.

Handwritten notes are cool because you can be authentic, personal and long-winded (if that’s your thing). It’s also a keepsake that they could hold onto for years.

Call, Don't Text

I know, no one uses the phone anymore… and that’s exactly why you should be! Instead of sending a text to check up on friends, call them up. Listen to their problems and be fully present in the activity of catching up.

When Facebook sends that daily email letting you know it's someone's birthday, call them instead of writing on their FB wall. They'll remember that phone call for the same reason that people remember a letter. Most people aren't doing it.

You can call for any reason:

  • Birthday

  • Promotion

  • Life event (wedding, family death, kid’s baseball game, etc.)

  • Invite them out for drinks/coffee/lunch/dinner/hangout session of some sort

  • Just to say hi! (gasp!)

Calls are highly underused these days. That’s why you should be using them to deepen your relationships.

Join Social Groups (where people meet in person) 

If you have a hobby, try to find groups of people that enjoy that same hobby.

When I was transitioning into analytics, I joined every meetup group on meetup.com that talked about the topic. I eventually found 2 groups that I liked and started going to the meetings every month. After about 3 weeks of seeing the same faces, I started to make friends. 

It doesn’t matter what your hobby is, there are usually people nearby that enjoy doing the same thing. When you meet up based on a common hobby, you already have things to talk about and a basis to connect on.

Meet the people you talk to online in person 

I spend a ton of time on the internet (mostly Facebook) talking to the people I meet in groups. If you're in a large group, it could be helpful to announce "Hey guys! I'm in DC, would anyone want to meet up in person for coffee?" You'd be surprised how many people say yes! 

The one common theme I think in all of these is to make an effort to get away from the digital world and talk to folks in more personal ways. The more people you talk to, the more chances you have to find and build a great circle of friends. 

Keep “putting yourself out there”

The phrase “putting yourself out there” typically means taking risks - and that’s what you’ll need to do if you want to make some real friends.

Even if you’re uncomfortable, you’ll have to start talking to people. That’s the only way they’ll get to know you and your personality.

Related Content: How to Push Yourself Out of Your Comfort Zone

You’ll have to ask them to meet up in a social setting. If you want intimate relationships, you must create a space for intimacy.

Finally, you’ll have to keep trying. Sometimes you’ll find someone you think is cool, but they decline every invitation no matter how many times you invite them out. Don’t take this personally. They could have a million reasons (that have nothing to do with you) for why they can’t hang out.

In that case, let them tell you when they’re free (which might never happen) and find someone who does have the time, interest and capacity to spend time with you… because you’re worth it.

I hope the future leads to some amazing friendships for you! (And if you're in the DC or NY area, we should totally grab a drink!) 

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About Chantl

Chantl founded Thrive Lounge to give women the kick in the pants they need (lovingly, of course) to uncomplicate their goals, stop making excuses, get productive and start living the life they always wanted. Her book, Goal Doing: Practical Advice For Goal Setting, Action Planning and Achieving Your Dreams, gives women a step-by-step guide to create, plan and achieve their grandest goals.

7 Signs You Need A Mindset Reset

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Are You Trying To Do Everything And Getting Nowhere?

You want to start your life over, go back to school, write your first book - or drop everything and start an online business.

But somehow you always end up too busy to make any real progress.

Slowly you inch towards your goals hoping that you'll get more time one day.

When my kids get older, I'll have time.

When I finish these classes, I'll have time.

When I have more money, I'll have time.

When I retire, I'll have time.

Somehow that time never comes...

With the demands of life on your shoulders you have too much to do to create the time you need to build your dream life.

So you keep pushing your dreams back, waiting for some magical later date where the time frees up.

Delicious living coach and VisionCon speaker, Adama Hamadi works with entrepreneurs and side hustlers to set essential boundaries around their time and energy.

She identified these top signs that overwhelm and burnout are right around the corner and if you’re experiencing them, it might be time for a mindset reset:

Related Content: 8 Mindset Shifts to Create Abundance (especially when all hope is lost)

You’re tired of feeling overworked and underappreciated.

With my job taking up 8 hours of my day, and 3 hours with my daughter - my days can easily become a land that doesn’t feel like my own. It’s not uncommon to feel overworked and underappreciated (especially when you have an 11-year-old that doesn’t seem to notice you exist unless they want something).


You’ve spent too much time helping other people build their dreams.

That feeling you get when you know that you started work at 6AM and now it’s 7PM and you’re still at work. Those days where you know you’ve spent your time lining someone else’s pockets and helping to build someone else’s empire while your dreams, your goals are on the back burner.

You know it’s time to get out of your own way and demand more from life.

Do you have that nagging feeling that it really is time for you to break out of your shell and do something?

You’re a type A achiever that people know they can count on.

Are you that person that everyone is calling? My mom needs help building a website, my sister is raising money for a trip with her dance group to Africa, my auntie needs help researching products for her new business. Where in the world is my “me-time” when I’m doing all that?

You barely have time to breathe, much less work on your passion projects.

Are life’s never-ending demands keeping you away from that business, book or adventure you want to create?

You envy women that can do whatever they want, whenever they want.

Are you looking around at your friends who are working from home, building their business or writing their books and wondering, where are they finding the time to do that? Or… I wish I could do that!

You’ve thought “I’m always neglecting myself and putting other people’s dreams before mine” more times than you can count.

If you’ve ever thought this or said this, it’s time for a mindset reset my friend.

VisionCon speaker, Adama Hamadi, says that time management has little to do with TIME and everything to do with managing your inner critic.

You don’t need anymore productivity hacks, you simply need to retrain your mindset to give yourself permission to stop:

  • Stop signing up for struggle.

  • To let life be easy.

  • To turn off autopilot so you can be more deliberate and design a life that feels good.

The fact is “You have a say in how you spend your life, so why would you play the victim when you can play the creator” says Adama.

If you want to take control of your time, you have to give yourself permission to prioritize your wants, your needs and your goals.

Related Content: How to Set the One Goal that will Change Your Entire LIfe

It all starts with a mindset of self-prioritization and intention. That’s where you can start creating that life you want.

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How To Host A Virtual Vision Board Party That Everyone Will LOVE

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Ready To Plan Your Next Vision Board Party?

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Vision board parties have become the thing to do when the new year is coming around and you’re ready to redefine your future.

In my opinion, vision boards are the best way to leave an old, crusty year behind and walk into your new year brand new, rejuvenated and ready to make your past accomplishments look like blips on the radar.

Vision board parties literally have it all: good food, drinks, goal setting, crafts, knowledge sharing and (most important) a reason to brag about yourself. (Who doesn’t like a little humble bragging?)

That begs the question, is it possible to take an in-person experience like a vision board party and bring it online? The answer is a definite YES!

I've hosted a few virtual vision board parties and the majority of the process is the same. The biggest difference would be getting the attendees to feel "in the moment" enough to share their stories and get to know each other. 

Here’s how to do a virtual vision board party your attendees will love.


The Tools

FOR THE VIDEO

For hosting the virtual vision board party, I use Crowdcast.

This is a super easy-to-use tool that allows you to broadcast to a live audience. (It’s so simple, I’ve had non-tech-folks tell me how much they love it!)

Crowdcast is perfect for vision board parties because this service allows up to 4 people to come onto the screen at the same time so your attendees can really get to know each other! In my events, I’ve had attendees jump on to the screen live to share their answers to questions I’ve asked the group.

Crowdcast will also accept ticketed events and even process the payments for you to making selling tickets to your virtual event super easy!

PRO TIP: PRICING

I will typically charge a fee for virtual parties. Since you're not offering anything like food/drinks/magazines, you cannot charge as much as you would for an in-person event.

Based on your experience (and what you plan to offer) anywhere from $9-29 is fair game. 

The Agenda

Your agenda will look similar to an in-person event.

·         Welcome: This is where you welcome guests and possibly share a tiny bit about you. You can ask guests questions and tell them what they have access to with the software you’re using. With Crowdcast, you’re able to invite guests live to share their story, they have a chat window and polls that they could use to engage. You’ll want to share all of these options with them at the beginning of the evening.

·         Icebreaker: These are simple “getting to know you” activities. I’ve discussed vision board party ice breakers in detail here.

·         Activity: Vision board parties are meant to get people thinking about what matters most in their lives and set goals. Walk through one or two activities to help your attendees think ask the important questions about what they really want out of their lives.

·         Tutorial: Every vision board party needs a tiny vision board tutorial. Here is where you tell attendees how to create a vision board that works. Creating effective vision boards typically consists of three phases: deciding on what big goal you want to work towards, thinking about how you’ll enjoy your life while in pursuit of that goal, and putting those ideas onto paper. Find out a fun way for you to share that with your audience.

PRO TIP #1: KEEP IT (RELATIVELY) SHORT

The party can be shorter, 1-2 hours. This depends on the time of day, whether the group becomes active and the conversation. I usually let the conversation flow and have gone up to 2.5 hours if things are going really well.

PRO TIP #2: BE READY FOR EVERYTHING

In person, you can control the room, the ambiance and what's going on in the background. You cannot do any of these things in a virtual party.

For example, in one virtual party a woman's kids ran up to her to say goodnight.

To keep the party fun, I chatted about her kids and wrapped parenting goals into the conversation.

When you're doing a virtual party - you have to be super flexible and ready for surprises.

PRO TIP #3: MAKE IT INTERACTIVE

Have activities for people to do and ask questions - wait for them to answer. People will be typing in response to what you’re saying in the event. Some people type slower than others. When you ask questions make sure you wait for people to type and respond to your questions before moving on to the next topic.

 

The Risk

The biggest benefit of a vision board party is taking that moment to yourself to stop worrying about what’s going on at home, work, hubby, the kids and focus on yourself for a moment. In it’s essence, it’s self care.

Moving vision board parties to online puts the self care benefit at serious risk.

In person, you can control the room, the ambiance and what's going on in the background. You cannot do any of these things in a virtual party.

For example, in one virtual party a woman's kids ran up to her to say goodnight.

To keep the party fun, I chatted about her kids and wrapped parenting goals into the conversation.

This is the biggest thing when you're doing a virtual party - you have to be super flexible and ready for surprises.

If you’re thinking about hosting a virtual vision board party this year, give it a shot! This can be a great way to meet people online that you would never be able to interact with in person and add a more interactive form of communication with your audience.

Want To Start Planning Your Vision Board Party? 

  1. Download the FREE vision board party planning checklist.

  2. Check out our top resources for hosting a vision board party.

  3. Are you a coach or educator looking to host a profitable vision board party? Start the Sold Out Vision Board Parties Course.

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About Chantl

Chantl founded Thrive Lounge to give women the kick in the pants they need (lovingly, of course) to uncomplicate their goals, stop making excuses, get productive and start living the life they always wanted. Her Sold Out Vision Board Parties online course, helps success and mindfulness coaches host profitable, effective and transformative vision board parties.