I’m too bubbly, too joyful.
I don’t talk like a professional.
Those good jobs weren’t made for “people like me.”
For years, I refused to look for a job. There was no point - I knew no company would want me.
After poking, prodding, and convincing from my grad school’s career services office, I gained enough confidence to start applying for jobs.
Through applying, and going through multiple interviews, I found a company that would appreciate me as I am.
Someone who works hard and brings laughter and joy that simply doesn’t exist anywhere else in the workplace. Someone who can deal with high-stress environments with grace. Someone who communicates simply and clearly so everyone can understand.
I was never too bubbly, too unprofessional, or too dumb.
The only thing holding me back from a high-paying job in a demanding career field was my negative self talk.
What is negative self talk?
Negative self-talk is the inner voice inside you that holds you back from saying and doing the things you really want.
Some examples of the negative self-talk are:
I’m too fat, skinny, old, young, (fill in the blank with your insecurity).
I don’t deserve it.
I’m not fat, skinny, old, young, (fill in the blank with your insecurity) enough.
They wouldn’t like, want, appreciate or approve of me.
It’s that voice that says you’re not good enough, you won’t be accepted, you won’t fit in and you don’t have what it takes to do or become something you want.
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Where does negative self-talk come from?
This voice comes from your insecurities based on your personal experiences or fears.
When I got hired for my first professional job in a doctor’s office. I was so excited to purchase my first pair of scrubs and walk behind the desk to help people.
The doctor fired me in less than two weeks. I didn’t pick up the skills fast enough, made too many mistakes and the patients complained that I didn't take them seriously.
Since then I told myself I wasn’t made for an office.
How does negative self-talk affect your life?
Negative self-talk will keep you from starting on the path towards your dreams. No one has to keep your dreams from you because you won’t even try.
You won’t have the confidence to apply for that job, put your picture up on that dating app, start that workshop, or ask for that opportunity because you’ll be too busy telling yourself why you’re not good enough.
After my first job experience, I refused to apply for any jobs. I wasn’t good enough, I wasn’t smart enough, and I was too silly for a professional setting.
Those limiting beliefs kept me playing small, unable to see what I could become if I allowed myself to move forward.
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How does negative self-talk affect self-esteem?
Imagine waking up every day knowing you were meant for more, but talking yourself out of anything big.
Imagine saying to yourself day after day that you’re not good enough for more. That you weren’t created to succeed.
After a while, you believe those negative stories and those stories will shape your life. You can’t find confidence in yourself because you can only see the reasons why you’re incapable.
The honest truth is, if you find yourself constantly talking down to yourself and talking yourself out of your destiny, it’s time to do something about it.
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How to stop negative self-talk?
Replace Your Negative Thought with a question
Instead of simply saying I’m not good at that, ask yourself how you can do it better.
Instead of saying no one will hire me, I started to ask “how can I become someone companies would love to hire?”
Notice the thought… and change it into something positive.
Pay attention to your negative thoughts, and spin it into something positive about yourself or the situation that you’re in.
I never had a job before, but that lead me down a creative path. I started to freelance where I was able to find my own clients, bill them, and make money without the help of a company.
That showed my tenacity and grit.
Validate your feelings.
Negative self-talk is normal. The worst thing you can do is judge yourself for having a negative thought in the first place.
Imagine if every time you thought you’re not good enough, you also thought “look at me, always thinking negatively. I’ll never get out of this rut.”
That’ll only send you into a negative feedback loop that’s more difficult to get out of.
Instead, when you do have a negative thought, remember that everybody does it. It’s normal and human and you can always hit the reset button.
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Take some serious action.
A lot of my negative thoughts are based on natural insecurities I have.
For example, I know that I do not like to be caught off guard. As a matter of fact, my mind will go blank sometimes and it makes me feel like less of a professional.
One day this happened to me and I thought “there you go again, looking like an idiot!” I realized that this is a problem I’ve had for a while so I looked for classes that would help me better navigate those experiences.
I enrolled in an improv class.
This gave me better tools to navigate moments that I wasn't expecting. With those tools, l gained more confidence in myself because I know I put in the work to become better.
Give yourself some grace.
We are all human and no one is perfect. You don’t have to expect perfection from yourself. Trust me, no one else does.
We all have negative thoughts that arise throughout the day. That is normal.
You don’t have to let those negative thoughts control your actions or spiral out of control. Practice noticing your thoughts, accepting them, and finding a way to see the opportunities that will infuse positivity into your daily life.
What’s the number one negative thought you have and how will you change it in the future?
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Cyrene is a fun and accomplished workshop facilitator, learning and development guru and Human Resources professional. Being at the helm of Thrive Lounge has been a long-time dream. Through vision board workshops she plans to accomplish two-way learning. Sharing her vast years of knowledge to motivate and encourage others; while simultaneously getting the reward of great energy, ideas and questions to ponder back from each group. A super win-win. Please join our Thrive Lounge community so you too can benefit!
